


The Sun is Mortal

by poeticaid



Series: are you implying romancing Shuichi? [15]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Lawyers, Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Alternate Universe - Office, Angst with a Happy Ending, Background Case, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hanahaki Disease, Heavy Angst, Hero Complex, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character, Unrequited Love, amami is too ooc, angstangstangstangst, momota nooooo, the saddest thing i have ever written
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2019-08-19 06:41:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16529402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poeticaid/pseuds/poeticaid
Summary: "Hey um, guys, I need to tell you something", Hinata says in a hushed tone, and everyone looks at him curiously. His face was contorted in worry, which was never a good sign."What is it?", Saihara asks in an inquisitive manner."Well, uh, someone in the office has Hanahaki Disease." Silence. Not even Komaeda has something to say. Amami's cup was trembling, looking to the floor, muttering something under his breath.Kaito Momota gets the Hanahaki Disease and it's up to Shuichi Saihara to help him fall out of love.





	1. Hiding Secrets

**Author's Note:**

> and we're back to angst fanfics part two: the multi-chapter  
> i'm writing this on my phone wtf

It was a normal morning for Shuichi Saihara. He wakes up,takes a shower, brushes his teeth, eats coffee and toast (which does't qualify as breakfast, Akamatsu had said), and puts on his uniform and waits for the bus at the bus stop. He inwardly groans as the line to the bus was unsurprisingly long, so he has to wait for a little longer for the second bus.

After getting off, he takes off to the building he works in. He greets Akamatsu, who was manning the reception desk near the entrance.

"Did you eat anything this morning?", Akamatsu asks with seriousness in her voice.

"Yes, I always eat", Saihara replies hurriedly as he walks towards the stairs, feeling his chest heave out due to the lack of exercise. He did not wait for Akamatsu's reply.

Saihara finally reaches the fourth floor of the building with sweat-covered forehead, and a heaving chest. He reminds himself to go train with Momota and Harukawa later, after work hours. He enters the coffee room, smelling the air for that delicious coffee brew (he likes to drink amounts of coffee, expresso being his favorite drink). Amami, Harukawa, Hinata, and Komaeda were in the room, possibly conversing about economics or something appropriate for a work environment.

"Oh, good morning, Saihara", Amami says, with a cool disposition that makes girls fall for him anytime of the day. "How's your morning?"

"The usual", Saihara says, taking a plastic cup from one of the cupboards and puts it below the coffee machine, letting the brown substance drop to his cup. "Where is Momota, by the way?"

Harukawa shrugs. "He hasn't showed up yet. Probably sleeping in."

"Hey um, guys, I need to tell you something", Hinata says in a hushed tone, and everyone looks at him curiously. His face was contorted in worry, which was never a good sign.

"What is it?", Saihara asks in an inquisitive manner.

"Well, uh, someone in the office has Hanahaki Disease." Silence. Not even Komaeda has something to say. Amami's cup was trembling, looking to the floor, muttering something under his breath.

Saihara blinks, thinking as if he had heard him wrong. Someone in the office has Hanahaki? A deadly disease? Hanahaki Disease was something that'll form in the lungs, making it hard to breathe for the person. Once their unrequited love starts to grow, the flower petals will start to form. These flower petals define the kind of love you suffer, and once it is unattended, it will grow, until you cough up a full flower, or blood speckled petals.

There were two ways to get rid of it: if the person you love is in love with you, or if you confess your true feelings for them and they accept. But if they are rejected, it meant death for the person diagnosed with Hanahaki. The second was to go to surgery, but most people were hesitant of surgery, as even though it removes the illness, it removes feelings.

Saihara feels sorry for the person who had this disease. He remembered that his uncle had it, and went into surgery so he could still be there for Saihara. He can feel the wariness and sadness in whoever's suffering and going through the Hanahaki. A new surge of determination surfaces inside him. He will help this person fall out of love, or get him to confess to the person he fell in love with.

"How did you know an employee of ours have the Hanahaki?", Harukawa asks in a monotone voice, but still laced with concern and worry. Harukawa has a knack for hiding her true feelings.

"I saw flower petals in the male's restroom", Hinata explains, his voice filled with sorrow. "They were carnations."

Saihara opens his mouth, supposedly to offer condolences to this person, but the door slams open, and everyone does not have to turn around to know who it is, as only one person enters rooms like that.

"Ah, Momota, you're late", Komaeda states, pointing out the obvious. "I've been looking for your for a while."

"Sorry", Momota says, scratching his head apologetically. "Some... inconveniences at my apartment block." He looks at Amami with a knowing glance, and Amami looks back.

He seems to notice everyone's somber looks and the atmospehere in the room.

"Why's everyone sad?"

"Hinata here found carnation petals in a male's restroom", Harukawa deadpans, and Saihara flinches at her tone. She says that someone dying due to love was fine.

Momota then looks obviously pale, and Saihara sees out of the corner of his eye Amami looking at Momota with worry. _What's going on with both of them?_ Momota then coughs, and everyone looks at him in alarm. But the man just smiles.

"What, you guys think I'm dying?", Momota says with a smirk. "I, Kaito Momota, Luminary of the Stars, cannot be killed that easily!"

Amami frowns at that statement, but when he sees Saihara staring at him, he hides it with moving his mug up to his face, supposedly taking a sip of his coffee. Harukawa groans outwardly, quite annoyed but affectionate of Momota's ridiculous exploits in making everyone happy.

"Of course you worry us", Harukawa says while rolling her eyes.

Saihara chuckles, but the smile is wiped off his face as Momota approaches him. The blue-haired boy's face start to go red in embarassment- or something more.

"Shuichi, are we still up for today?", Momota asks.

Saihara nods. "Of course! I almost fainted while climbing up the stairs."

"That's why I told the boss to build elevators", Amami says, breaking his silent treatment. "But does Enoshima ever listen. Noooooo. Because she does whatever the hell she wants."

Hinata laughs at that statement while Komaeda mutters something insulting Enoshima under his breath. Saihara smiles at the statement. And so, the somber atmosphere in the room was broken. The Hanahaki Disease situation was somewhat forgotten, but Saihara didn't dare bring it up to destroy the happiness.

But he still can't help but feel he needs to do something to the person who has this deadly disease. He had promised to his uncle to help anyone in need, no matter how impossible the task was.

Saihara can't help but feel as if he was Momota, when he had talked about wanting to help people in need.

 

Saihara then crams himself and his things in his tiny office; he sighs, reminding himself _again_ to file a complaint of this office to Enoshima, even if she doesn't bother reading people's comments about her company. The only thing he likes about in this room was this beautifully carved wooden desk. He opens his laptop and begins to work.

Saihara's fingers fly over the keyboard, wondering what letter should he type first. He taps the key 'A', but after a while of looking at the pre-blank document, he presses Backspace and looks at the document that was already frustrating him. As a talented writer, he could not lose to something like the blankness of mind for ideas. He groans, slumpin over the desk, pressing every single key he can get his hands on.

A knock of the door saves him from death as he looks up at the door with a smile mixed with relief and sadness.

"Hey, Enoshima's asking you and Momota to come up to her office for your next case", and intern says in a hurried manner.

Saihara's relieved smile falls at the thought of being in the same room as Enoshima. No, being in _her_ office is a better way to explain his displeasure at being around his boss. He just hopes that it was Ikusaba calling him and not Enoshima: sometimes Ikusaba would dress as her dreaded twin sister, but they differ in personality and-slightly- their looks.

Saihara climbs up the steps, sounds coming out as he likely stomps all the way to the seventh floor, already panting. Why is Enoshima's office in the top floor? Why didn't she make elevators for fuck's sake? Her despair fetish was really playing into managing a company.

"Shuichi!", a familiar voice shouts at him. But before the boy has time to react, someone lifts him up and carry him bridal style. Saihara yelps, and he sees his perpetrator's face.

Momota was staring down at him with a smile, probably victorious that he had caught up with Saihara. Saihara looks away, his face going red with embarassment. They- or rather, Momota, as he os carrying Shuichi- reach the fifteenth and last floor. Saihara was quite amazed that Momota had not topple over his and Saihara's weight. And without a single sweat too!

 _Momota must be a god,_ Saihara thinks as he observes Momota's stance. The man was so confident, so optimistic that even the way he walks shows how he's been living. They then stop at a door- the _only_ door in the whole floor- and Saihara softly knocks at the door, not daring to knock as loud as he knocks Akamatsu's headboard when they were still dating.

Momota forcibly opens the door, much to Saihara's dismay, and pulls him inside. Enoshima's room was cold; despairingly cold. How can someone live or habit an office below room temperature? It was like that one tale from one of H.P Lovecraft's horror tales and myths. About the doctor?

Anyway, Saihara's mind comes back to facing Enoshima herself. Even though he goes to Enoshima's office monthly (to get his next case, or Enoshima just wants to talk to him for funsies), the presence of this everlooming power just... overwhelms him. Her assistant, Shirogane, was a much more docile yet manic woman, but Saihara can tolerate her. Kind of.

"Here're my favorite employees!", Enoshima says in a joyful tone as Saihara and Momota seat down on the surprisingly soft chairs.

It was Junko Enoshima. She was dressed up in her most formal outfit, but it steal revealed her assets. Her incredibly long red fingernails were tapping the desk in a menacing tone, and her smile matches the room's shivering temperature.

"Everyone is your favorite employee", Momota says in a deadpanned tone. No one ever defies Enoshima, as they all cower underneath her. Yet sometimes, some of the employees show defiance against their boss. Of course, they receive consequences of their actions. The most notable ones were Makoto Naegi (fired), Kyoko Kirigiri (also fired), Hajime Hinata (demoted), Nagito Komaeda (suspended for a month; no pay), Chiaki Nanami (fired), and sometimes Momota.

"What is the next case you're about to give to us, ma'am?", Saihara asks, quickly addressing Enoshima as an afterthought.

Enoshima was now looking at random papers, Saihara's question seemingly fallong on deaf ears. As usual, he guesses. Enoshima would always answer his question once he had lost his patience and time in the room. Momota does not get the hint, as he bangs Enoshima's desk loudly, impatient.

"Jesus Christ, lady", Momota says. "Can you just tell us what are the cases that were assigned to us?"

Enoshima, surprisingly, only raises a brow at the man's outburst. She dramatically sighs, and Saihara, in a moment of sass, rolls his eyes.

 _"Cases?",_ Enoshima says with a slight predatory grin. "You'll both be sharing a case."

They both look at each other, shock displayed across their faces.

"What?", Saihara asks. As much as he sees Momota as a good friend, he thinks that he wouldn't get anything done when he's around. "But ma'am, wouldn't it be better if-"

"No buts!", Enoshima shouts, sounding like a miffed mother. "I thought you both were friends!"

Saihara looks at Momota, who was uncharacteristically silent and staring at the wall like it was longing for something. His hands were trembling too, for some reason. Saihara was about to ask Momota if he was okay, but the latter seemed to have regained his characteristics.

"We are, ma'am", Saihara replies with a cautious tone, as if Enoshima was a puppy waiting to bite. "It's just-"

"No objections or both of you'll be fired!" Enoshima now sounds like a petulant child. Saihara closes his mouth, and Momota stays silent once again. Then Momota stands.

"Yeah, I'll be working with Shuichi", Momota says in a calm tone. A _too calm_ tone. Saihara looks at him with surprise in his eyes. Momots didn't even glance at him.

As they exit Enoshima's office, they make their way down to their floor. And just in time too, as it was lunch. Saihara then catches sight of Amami, who was carrying a cup of coffee for him. Amami smiles and waves at Momota, and he waves back. So far, he had not even acknowledged Saihara until Amami glances at him. Instantly, the smile fades and it turns to a frown, much to Saihara's confusion.

Amami was known to be a man whose expertise was hiding his own feelings, and would always instead tune the negative feelings down and convert them to neutral or unhealthy disposition of emotions. Though Amami could be seen smiling, even in the bad days, the tone of his voice or the look in his eyes would suggest something else. He can frown, yes, but he would only be playing. So how can Amami genuinely frown right in front of Saihara? Did he do something wrong?

"What did Enoshima tell you?", Amami asks, concern on his voice. But a part of Saihara's mind thinks Amami is not concerned of Enoshima summoning both he and Momota into her office.

"Me and Saihara are going to share a case together", Momota says in the most quiet tone he can ever conceive. Amami's eyes were now full of worry.

"Wait, what?", he says, then looks at Saihara with a glare, and the other steps back. "Wait, I'll reason with Enoshima, and I'll ask her to switch me and Saihara."

"Why do you need to do that?", Saihara asks in a rude manner. "Kaito seems perfectly fine with the arrangement."

Amami now turns around and looks at him with an annoyed and angry look, his hand touching his temple.

"Because he's not okay with it", Amami snaps. Momota looks at him apologetically, before ushering Amami into his office, which was near the staircase. And they didn't bother to close the door all the way through before starting up their conversation again. Saihara leans against the wall, trying to hear their conversation without getting caught.

"Why did you choose to accept the case with Saihara's partnership?", Amami chides Momota, but worry was etched into it. "What if he finds out about it, huh?"

"Rantaro, look, I'll be careful", Momota says in a dimmed voice. "He won't find out, I'll make sure."

"And if he finds out? I don't want to lose you, Kaito. You don't deserve to..."

"I won't get eliminated that easily", Momota's reply came with faltering confidence, masking the grief he's experiencing. "I promise!"

But before Saihara hears more of the conversation, and to why Amami was worried of Momota's health and Momota assuring him, he and the conversation was interrupted by someone shouting his name.

"Shuichi, there you are!", Akamatsu exclaims in a hurried manner, giving Saihara a mass of paperwork. "From dearest Kiibo Idabashi. He says that you need to go over the documents before passing them to Amami. See ya!" She runs off to the other direction, without waiting for Saihara to reply.

"How long have you been here?", Amami asks in a harsh tone, his face showing and exhibiting anger. This is the most out of character thing to come out of the man's mouth.

"Um", Saihara looks at the papers, and without looking or saying something, he bolts to his office and slams the door shut.

Now cramming himself to his room, he did not immediately look through Kiibo's papers, as they were all very long and tedious (a three-paragraph letter to Ouma to buy some milk!) to read, his mind paces back to Amami and how he had acted around Saihara.

Amami was a man of little to not hard feelings, but the way he had started acting was very uncharacteristic of him, especially with glaring at Saihara and all thay shit. He also has worry and concern laced on his voice whenever he converses with Momota. And the way he had acted when Hinata all told them that someone in the office had caught the Hanahaki, he was all concerned and already knew who that was. And on a plus note, he seemed to be looking at Momota during the whole debacle.

And Saihara finally pieces it together.

He did not like his hypothesis one bit.

* * *

Saihara works through the night, going through Kiibo's paperwork. He lets out a noise, something in between a sigh and a groan. Why did Kiibo feel the need to make his sentences long? It was Leś Miderables all over again. At least Kiibo has some dignity to add punctuations properly. Saihara stops reading (Kiibo's seventeenth page about the same subject, the infamous crammed offices) when he hears someone cough.

He stands, assuming that it's the man who fell victim to the Hanahaki Disease's hands. He sneaks towards the door, turning the lights off (a mannerism, not a part of the plan to catch the victim) and following a shadow across the hallway. He silently curses the janitors, why did they turn off the hallway lights? He shakes that thought away when he sees the male restroom lights open, and a coughing sound heard.

Saihara stops just a feet away from the restroom, as if there was a huge beast in it. Then the doorknob clicks. Saihara blends into the shadows, as the person steps out of the bathroom, covering his mouth, and crying. Then by the light of the bathroom, Saihara almost gasps out loud as it shines upon the person.

His hypothesis was true.

It was Momota.

He's the one with the Hanahaki disease.

Momota then leaves the scene of the crime, and Saihara takes this as a sign to go to the bathroom, to really, truly verify if Momota was the man with the Hanahaki. He opens the bathroom door, and looks at the sinks first. And there, he found one.

A lone purple carnation petal, sitting forlornly on the base of the sink.

_"Ya know, I like carnations the most", Kaito told Shuichi as they manned Momota's grandmother's flower garden. "Especially the purple ones. They look hella fantastic and my grandmother's garden!"_

_Shuichi laughed. "I bet it'd look nice on you."_

_Kaito smiled, but then his eyes light up. It meant that he had a plan on his mind. He took a carnation from one of the bushes and placed it near Shuichi's ear, making Shuichi red in the face. Kaito took a step back to admire his creation._

_"It looks nice on ya, dunno for me", Kaito said._

_Shuichi then plucked a sunflower and placed it near Kaito's ear. As he took a step back, he couldn't help but laugh. Kaito looked ridiculous. Kaito's smile turned into a frown as Shuichi started to laugh loud and hard enough for everyone to hear._

_"Hey, what's so funny!", Kaito exclaimed._

_"Nothing, it's just... you look ridiculous with that sunflower on your hair." Shuichi chuckled, and raised his right hand to remove the sunflower, but instead, Kaito took it and kissed the forepalm, making Shuichi blush._

_"You look ridiculous." Kaito's words were sincere, affectionate, and Shuichi's heart couldn't help but flutter._

Purple carnations were Momota's favorite type of flower.

And now he was dying because of it.

Saihara holds back a sob, tears blinding his eyesight, but he refuses to let them through. When he had made his way back to his office, however, he let them drop through the papers, let them soak the papers. He covers his eyes, trying not to cry, but he can't. Not when Momota's dying from some unrequited love.

The determination then settles upon his stomach again, and he decides to take a leap of faith, a leap of confidence and bravery, so he can cure his friend of that disease once and for all.

But how can he execute his plan? How can he make Momota fall out of love? How can he cage those desires he's always had? How many days has Kaito been suffering? Saihara wipes his tears away, as he cleans his office and heads back home, taking the bus all the way.

As he returns home to his shabby apartment, Saihara takes off his uniform and goes to turn on his laptop, not bothering to change to something more appropriate, as he only had boxers to wear. He enters in a new document.

**HOW I RESCUED MY FRIEND FROM HANAHAKI WITHOUT NEED OF SURGERY**

But before he continues typing, he sees Momota message him. The sight of him messaging Saihara almost makes the other sniff with sadness.

**From Kaito: Enoshima will give us that damn case tomorrow.**

**To Kaito: okay**

No reply came after the text. It made Saihara worry, and his instincts tell him to ask if Momota was okay, but Saihara shakes it off, telling himself he was going to be okay.

After all, Saihara will make Momota fall out of love, and finally be rid of the Hanahaki Disease. He just needed to make Momota stop thinking about his unrequited love, whoever it was. But he doesn't know how to make him fall out of love, even if this was part of his plan. A plan he hope would work.

Saihara types more in his computer, eager to get started in his first case. Not the case assigned to them, but the case he assigned to himself. He was becoming a hero Momota strives to be, which overwhelmed him himself, but he was too focused and intent on Momota's Hanahaki to even care about this _slight_ change in his personality. He was also quite confused to why Amami was seemingly so hostile around him. Was it because he was scared of someone finding out about Momota's secret?

What ever it is, it gets Saihara's mind flowing as he finishes the first paragraph of his first entry.

**Day One**

_When I came to attend the workplace I was currently working in, someone told me that there was a person here with Hanahaki Disease. I was concerned and worried for whoever caught this disease. You see, my uncle, who was my current caretaker, had the disease, and he took... surgery. I didn't want anyone to either die or do surgery to save their life, so I plan to see who was suffering, and it turned out to be one of my closest friends. So, I concocted my plan to save my friend, to make him fall out of love by spending time with him. I don't know if it'd be effective, but I got to try. That's what my friend tells me every time. I've got to..._

Saihara's vision was clouded with tears again, and he wipes them away and saves the document he has been writing. He goes to the bathroom to take a shower, and go to bed, his night sleepless as his dreams find their way to Momota, who was supposedly lying on the ground, blood coming out of his lips and petals flooding. 


	2. Cracks Start to Show

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this took a while. I got no idea why i wrote this. Probably one pf the longest things I've ever wrote, write next to LORTS XD.

Saihara's night was exhausting. He barely got enough sleep due to the dreams of Momota's Hanahaki. He really needs to make Momota fall out of love. But who was he in love with, anyway? Saihara was late to his work due to writing his plans for the day in his computer. Akamatsu shoots him a look when he enters the building with sunken eyes and a wrinkled blouse.

"Hey, didn't sleep well tonight?", Akamatsu asks in a concerned voice.

Saihara forces a smile, not wanting to alarm his friend, even though she can see through his lies. "Just exhausted from all the work you gave me."

"Blame Kiibo." Akamatsu laughs lightheartedly, and Saihara climbs upstairs, and onve he gets up there, races into the break room.

"Shuichi!", his familiar voice, one that haunts Saihara's dreams and those coughs in the bathroom, shouts.

Saihara smiles at him, waving awkwardly. "Good morning, Kaito."

"You didn't come with me and Maki Roll to the gym!", Momota says, putting his arms around his hips.

Saihara knows that Momota had not come to the gym yesterday. He was, also, working and correcting one of Iruma's dastardly and inappropriate papers (after finding ten swear words each paragraph, Saihara feels obliged to bring this complaint to Akamatsu, and now Iruma's papers were brought to either Momota or Ouma) that Akamatsu had given him. They were the only ones who stayed up till night.

Harukawa scoffs, not amused by Momota's petty little lie. " _I_ was the only one who bothered to show up to the gym. You guys were busy reading and correcting useless papers."

Momota looks at Harukawa with a dejected look. "Man, Maki Roll..."

"Anyway", Saihara turns to Momota, and Momota looks at him with a raised brow. "When are we going to get the case from Enoshima?"

Momota's eyes hint confusion for a second, but then his eyes glint up with realization and _something else._ "Oh yeah! Maybe after lunch, I guess?"

Saihara nods. "It's a good time."

Before Saihara opens his mouth, though, another person opens the door. The way Momota smiles and waves the person pver sends alarm bells ringing in Saihara's mind. He spots the familiar green hair and calm smile and it's Amami. Amami and Momota greet each other as always, and they ask each other how was their morning. When Amami turns to face Saihara, though, he clears his throat, remained smiling, though there was no nicety in his smile.

"Good morning, Rantaro", Saihara greets with his signature awkward smile. It was something he can never get rid of, no matter how many times he had gone to Momota for some advice on how to sound more confident. It was his thing, Momota told him. There was nothing wrong with that.

"Good morning, _Saihara._ " Amami was not a man of formality as well; even though he was taught etiquette and manners in a young age, but as he grew older, he declared he had no need of using it in his daily greetings or speeches. Amami addresses everyone with their first names, and would only address them in their last names whenever he was upset. Saihara still doesn't know why he was angry at him.

"Any luck on convincing Enoshima to change partners?", Amami asks Momota.

"What? I kinda like Saihara as a partner." Momota looks very aware to what Amami was pointing out. Momota was a discreet but also a subtle person at the same time, so it seems.

Amami groans, and, glaring at Saihara the last time, he approaches the coffee machine and takes a cup to pour his suggested coffee. Saihara was not the only one to have sensed the awkward atmoshpere in the room, as- thankfully- Harukawa coughs, signing that she was still here.

"What's with you, Rantaro?", she asks in a condesending manner. "You've been acting differently ever since Hinata announced that someone has Hanahaki Disease in the building."

Amami stiffens a bit, but shortly regains his relaxed composure. Momota has the same reaction, and takes a little more time to recovering and returning to his stance. Momota lets out a forced snort.

"He has a family member who... _died_ ", Momota says in the most relaxed sentence he could muster. "From the Hanahaki. He was pretty close to her."

Harukawa nods. "Oh. Sorry, Rantaro."

Amami smiles. "It's no problem. I just... still can't get over her death; it was pretty recent."

"My condolences", Saihara says in a tight voice. "My uncle had the disease. He had to go to surgery because he didn't want me to live alone."

Harukawa softens a bit, and she sighs, running a hand through her hair and looking at her cup. "You guys have heart-wrenching stories to tell me. Anyway, I'm going to go to my office. See you guys later."

Everyone says their goodbyes as they go to their respective offices. Saihara opens his office door and takes his laptop out of his bag. He opens it and clicks the document he had been working on since yesterday. Without a single pause, his hands automatically start to press every single key suitable for each paragraph, pressing the backspace key every so often.

 

It was time for lunch, Akamatsu had hurriedly told him and invited him to go to the cafè with the others. Of course, as a good friend, Saihara obliges and sets about keeping his office tidy before he goes to the cafè with the others. And no, he still hasn't forgotten Momota's predicament. Saihara looks through his wallet, thinking of buying Momota coffee, or something that can distract him from his love.

_Coffee? Is that even going to distract Momota from his love?_ Saihara thinks as he rearranges Kiibo's papers in a binder, reminding himself to give it to Amami before taking a break. And he also reminds himself that he and Momota has to get their assigned case from Enoshima.

As Saihara exits his office, he walks to Amami's office and knocks. No response coming through the second door. Maybe he'd already exit the building for lunch? Or maybe he was with Momota? He goes to the other hallway, and locates Momota's office. Like yesterday, the door was open. Curiously meddlesome, Saihara decides to take a quick little peek and he sees a recoiling image.

Amami was on top of Momota, his lips on Momota's. It seemed like they were in an affectionate and intimate moment, and Saihara feels guilty for intruding. Does this mean Amami was the one Momota fell for? But Momota's position, though slumped and leaning back at the desk, was not relaxed nor tempted at tasting the other's mouth. After a minute or so, Amami and Momota break apart. Amami wipes his lips, and so does Momota.

"Did it work?", Amami asks, looking at Momota, eyes hopeful. "Did the kiss cure you from your disease?"

Momota coughs, then it turns to hacks, much to Saihara's and Amami's displeasure. Then he spits out petals of carnations. Amami looks utterly _destroyed_ at the sight of it on the floor.

"Fuck it." Amami raises his head and groans. "Not even a fucking kiss can cure your disease?"

"Uh, I don't think a single kiss can cure me of Hanahaki." Momota picks up the petals and throws it into his bin. "You gotta feel something more than a kiss, you know? Like, something emotionally linked or spiritually linked or something. Not just a damn kiss, Rantaro."

Amami rolls his eyes. "I guess so. I'm sorry for stealing your first kiss, though."

_That was Momota's first kiss?_ Saihara thinks, the gears in his head returning to the day his unlce told him about how first kisses felt. It was an act of love, he had said. Not one from obligation or self-pity.

It makes Saihara's heart break that such a good and innocent man lost his first kiss due to desperation and heartbreak over the disease that was taking his own life right now.

"It's... fine. I know you just don't want to lose me for that fucking disease. I can understand." Momota takes a trash bag and wraps it around the bin.

Saihara knocks on the door, and Amami and Momota turn to him. Mixed reactions. Momota looks at him with excitement and a welcoming expression, while Amami looks at him with anger and irritation. For what, though? Why is Amami acting so out of character?

"Um, you weren't in your office, and I thought it was much better to give this to you in person", Saihara says with a point-blank expression. "Idabashi's papers for improvement of work environments."

Amami, still retaining that irritated look, walks over and snatches the binder from Saihara.

"You can go now." Saihara blinks. Not even a saying of gratitude? That is _clearly not_ the Amami he knows. But Saihara stays, standing still, leaning against Momota's door frame. Amami glares at him, while Momota tilts his head, waiting for him to say something, anything that can break the awkward-very awkward- silence in this room.

"Well, I was thinking about inviting you guys to the cafè", Saihara says, looking to the floors. How come Saihara had not noticed that Momota's inticrate floor pattern were _purple carnations?_ It made him feel more determined to get rid of Momota's disease.

"What?", Amami snaps, bewildered at Saihara's little invite. "We- we were just going to the cafè to meet up with Kaede and the others before _you_ showed up."

"Then we can all go together!", Momota says in a triumphant voice. Amami looks at Momota, crossing his arms, biting his lower lip. Momota then looks at him with a pleading look, and Amami surrenders.

"What coffee do you like, Kaito?", Saihara asks, wanting to start a pleasant conversation-starter for the Hanahaki victim.

Amami scoffs. "Why do you care?"

"Because", Saihara clicks his tongue, quite annoyed at Amami's persistence to keep him away from Momota; _What's the point?_ "I was going to buy two drinks when we get to the cafè."

Momota blinks, and then he smiles. "Wow, that's a really good idea, Shuichi! Hey, Rantaro, when we get there, sit between Kokichi and Kiibo so I can talk with my sidekick over there!"

Saihara inwardly sighs, remembering those days when Saihara was new to the company and where Momota would address him as a sidekick rather than his own person. It was... endearing, in a way Saihara never imagined it to be. It felt more like an intimate and affectionate nickname rather than asserting authority to ones beneath them.

Saihara loved that about Momota. Maybe.

They finally walked over to the cafè, where Akamatsu and the others were waiting for them. Amami's eyes instantly light up when he sees Kiibo and Ouma, likely bickering behind the tall shadows of Gokuhara and Shinguji, and he goes to join them, probably going to argue with them as well. Akamatsu's flats click on the pavement as she embraces both Saihara and Momota.

"You guys are late!", Akamatsu says in a cheery tone. "C'mon, lunch ends in thirty minutes, and I'm going to cram myself behind that damned desk for the next three hours!"

Saihara chuckles, and they all went to the cafè together with Amami taking the biggest tables for all sixteen of them to fit. The aroma of the cafè was pleasant to smell, and Saihara liked the surroundings inside of it. He sat near Momota, who was laughing at something Harukawa said (Harukawa seems displeased or disinterested, though) and beside Akamatsu.

"I have a good news!", Akamatsu tells everyone as she stands up. "Kirumi's coming home!"

Saihara feels relieved, but tense at the same time. He was very fond of the young maid, and always tried to strike up a civil conversation with her, but her answers were almost always formal, as if striking up conversations was a normal job for her to do. But her and Akamatsu's relationship was even more beautiful, as she was the one who guided Toujou to rough times, especially when finding out about her sexuality and her gender.

It felt like yesterday when he had found Toujou's bed covered with poppies, Akamatsu's favorite. It felt like yesterday when she announced to Saihara that she will go into surgery. It felt like yesterday when she said she didn't feel no more. No love for Akamatsu, no nothing.

He shakes those painful memories away, as it made him feel guilty that he was never there for Toujou, and never adviced her through tough times. It made him feel guilty, and even the sight of poppies in his apartment made him even more guilty again and again when he looks at them daily, which was why he threw them all away, out the window.

Toujou was a maid of honor, a refined woman whose abilities include everything suitable or reliable. She was relied upon by everyone, and depended on. Toujou was remarkable, a beautiful and standardized woman, which was maybe why after the whole Hanahaki incident thing, she asked for a case in Paris which went on for five years. Akamatsu was oblivious by her condition, and after Toujou's departure, she had entered a relationship with Harukawa.

And she's coming back now.

Their last meeting with each other wasn't good, per se, as it momentarily involved insults, shouts, and a disappointed Saihara. His disappointment on Toujou was still present, even today. He had promised to Akamatsu that he'll keep in touch with Toujou via FaceTime, but the sight of Toujou's face boiled Saihara's blood and he ceased contacting Toujou.

_Poppies literred around their small dorm, as Toujou tried hard to conceal it, but in the end her love for Akamatsu was stronger than a hand covering her entire mouth._

_"I'm afraid", Toujou told Saihara, who was patting her back, "that Kaede will never accept me for who I am, and would keep calling me a 'he'."_

_"But she doesn't", Saihara retorted. "Kaede compliments and gives you good vibes, you know? She doesn't even comment that your body doesn't fit the dresses she gave you, as long as you're happy."_

_"Rejection can mean death." Toujou gives one more hack, and splutters a poppy petal with blood on it. Not a daily occurence._

_Saihara gave her a look of pure indignance. "Are you saying that Kaede would reject you? She's not that cruel!"_

_Toujou still did not give up, as more and more petals she coughed up, the more she refused to confess to Akamatsu, and more and more keep coming. Then it all comes to a stop the seventh month, when Saihara comes back to his dorm after gymnastics practice (with Momota and Maki, of course), he found Toujou looking around with a stoic look._

_"Kirumi, you didn't go to your classes today", Saihara said slowly, as if he was speaking to a child rather than his own peer. He was tenaciously gripping his bag, as if the floor was on fire._

_"I went to surgery today." Her voice forever haunts his mind, the way she spoke it as if it was second-nature, as if it was a small deal._

_Saihara blinked, confused for a moment, and then he carefully pieced everything together. On how the room looked so spotless, without a spec of blood nor a drop of a petal. It was as clean as it was before Toujou's Hanahaki came through the dorm room like a storm._

_It was because Toujou went to surgery._

_She can feel no more._

_Saihara had dropped his bag somewhere, because now, his hand was bleeding due to his fingers digging into the skin, drawing out raw blood. It was the first time he felt such rage and anger beneath his skin, making his blood boil._

_"Kirumi."_

Saihara snaps himself out of his thoughts as he was faced with a bowl full of ramen. He's pretty sure Akamatsu ordered this for him while he was still zoning out. Oh, and the coffee too, he guesses. Saihara feels thankful at Akamatsu for being the kind hearted sweetheart she is, and starts to eat small bits of food. He always looks toward Momota's direction, seeing if he was eating.

Of course he was eating. Momota was gulping down an ice cream sundae while everyone watches with smiles or were laughing at the sight of it. It seems that only Saihara-or, Harukawa, who was rolling her eyes with a small pleasant look on her face- who wasn't even smiling at Momota's usual antics. He looks towards Amami, who was seated right next to Momota. He had a smile playing on his lips, a somewhat endearing expression in his eyes and smile. But Saihara knows that it was a sad smile.

Saihara reminds himself to buy him coffee before lunch break is over, and then Momota locks eyes with him. Everyone quiets down, and Saihara gulps, giving Momota a small smile on his lips. Momota looks away to talk to Shinguji and Saihara turns to look at Amami who was glaring at him throughout the whole exchange. When he catches Saihara looking at him, though, he looks away, talking to Ouma.

Saihara remembers the day where he met both Momota and Amami. They were really nice to him, almost as nice as Akamatsu, but in their own way.

_It was Shuichu's first day in the company; fresh out of college and ready to face the world head-on with many possibilities. What he didn't expect was tumbling down the stairs and landing himself at the hospital. The doctors told him that he didn't injure himself that badly; just a sprain in the ankle. But that made Shuichi's mind vibrate with humiliation and shame. It was just his first day on the job, and now he was on a hospital bed._

_Then the door opened, and in came two men he met when he first came to the company. The first man was a green haired boy who looked pretty enough to rather be hanging out in bars and clubs, while the second one was a man with dark purple hair and goatee with a preferably stupid grin crossing his face._

_"You're Saihara Shuichi, right?", the first man asked in a low and small voice. Shuichi wanted to speak, but instead he just nodded a yes._

_"Well, we kinda heard of your stair-incident", the second pointedly replied with no hesitation nor caution._

_Shuichi blinked, but failed to show neutrality in his expression. He was really out of it._

_"So we took the day off to go visit you", the first one continued, brushing his hair back and forth. "I'm Rantaro Amami."_

_The other smiled with glee. "Kaito Momota, Luminary of the Stars!"_

_Shuichi nodded, letting his thoughts about Kaito conquer all the thoughts of Stairway v3 in the company building. Kaito's smile seemed to light him up as well, making Shuichi smile a bit, per se. The green haired boy-Rantaro Amami, he reminded himself- smiled at him pleasantly. Shuichi also took a moment to look at him with observant eyes, all the way down his fingers, which were holding what seems to be a basket full of... cookies?_

_Shuichi shook his head. "I'm afraid that I can't accept these, Mr. Amami, Mr. Momota."_

_Kaito furrowed his brows, before giving Shuichi a big shove in the back. Shuichi heaved out a grunt, air knocked out of his lungs, but Kaito did not seem to notice or did not care. Shuichi internally sighed. He was used to being pushed over by other people. Rantaro slightly glared at the taller man, before looking back at Shuichi apologetically._

_"Kaito", Amami scolded. "You shouldn't have done that to Shuichi."_

_Kaito looked at Shuichi and smiled sheepishly. "Sorry."_

_Shuichi shook his head. "It's all right. People from school and college do that to me, except worse."_

_Amami blinked, as if a realization settled in deep in his mind. All he let out was an "Oh."_

_Kaito looked at him with a frown, then scoffed. "Man... those guys must be assholes if they did those petty shit to you."_

_Shuichi wanted to point out that he had just done what they had done, but he considers it rude and keeps his mouth shut. Rantaro gives Kaito a pointed look, and Kaito looks back with an oblivious look. Rantaro seems to sigh and looks back at Shuichi, who waves at them with an awkward smile._

_And then he hears a knock on the door. A nurse poked her head in, and Shuichi realizes that visiting hours must be over._

_"Well, we'll be on our way", Rantaro said, placing the basket of whatever it was on the bedside table. "Consider this a gift from us."_

_"Yeah", Kaito chimed in. "'Cause, we wasted ten dollars on that kinda treat for you."_

_Shuichi was bewildered to why some people decided to buy him a nice gift. He was dumbfounded, and felt guilt when Kaito had told him they had given a sum of money for the treat. Before he opened his mouth to reply, though, Kaito continued,_

_"And don't say you feel guilty and underserving of this shit. 'Cause that'd make me feel guilty for you, too."_

_After that, they left the room. Shuichi was quite curious to what they got him, and reached and took the box from the table and started to open it slowly and carefully. After a few minutes, he had successfully unwrapped the box, and it was a box full of cupcakes. Not just cupcakes, it was Kaede Akamatsu's signature cupcakes._

_"How did they get Kaede's address and her recipe cupcakes?", Shuichi asked himself as he took a bite on one of them; it was rich in flavor and sweetness. Like Kaede's. It really was her cupcakes._

_After the encounter, his day seems to have brighten a whole lot more._

"Excuse me, may I have two cups of coffee, please?", Saihara asks the cashier on the counter, and he waits a few minutes for his cups of coffee. He looks at the clock; it was almost one, meaning lunch was going to end soon. The cashier comes back with the two cups and his change, and he thanks her generously. He goes back to his table, where every one was all ready cleaning up the mess they made on it.

Saihara spots Momota, whom was talking to, of course, Amami in a jovial tone. He could be loud or soft if he wants to. Saihara gulps and walks over to Momota and Amami, the coffee cups in his hands. He clears his throat, steering them away from their conversation. Amami looks at him with a glare, and Momota looks at him with a smile but a confused look.

"Whose extra coffee is that, Shuichi?", Momota asks, gesturing to the hot and brewing coffee in his right hand. Saihara was trying hard not to drop the two equally hot cups of coffee, and it was in vain.

"Yours", he manages to squeak out. Amami raises a brow suspiciously, and Momota raises both eyebrows in surprise. Momota laughs.

"Mine?", Momota chuckles, then takes one swig of it, not regarding the hot temperature of the coffee. Amami and Saihara atare at him, as he had grown two heads. He finally finishes the coffee cup and drops it into a trash bin. He wipes his lips with his sleeve. He clicks his tongue and states, "My tongue burns."

"Idiot", Harukawa hisses out, looking at Momota with an annoyed look. "I swear you're the only one who can down a cup of coffee with no fucking regards if it was hot or not."

"We're not helping you with your tongue, Momota", Ouma jokingly says as he joins in the conversation. Momota rolls his eyes and pats Saihara's head.

"Thanks for the tasty coffee, sidekick", Momota says. There he goes again, with all those nicknames he had for Saihara. Saihara nods a thank you instead, already coming up with plans to make Momota fall out of love. There were so many.

 

They return to the company building, each going to their separate ways. Momota and Saihara remind themselves that they need to take the case from Enoshima, which meant having to climb up those torturous floors for Saihara.

"Kaito?", Saihara pants as he starts climbing up the next stairway. Momota grunts in response, already ahead of him by a dozen steps. _He was intentionally slowing himself down, to look after Saihara._

"If you had some kind of ailment, you could tell your friends, right?", Saihara continues, his eyes on the floor. He receives no reply.

Saihara looks up, and realizes that Momota went on without him. He must've thought of his Hanahaki as a little personal issue. No matter. Saihara will not let him die. Somehow motivated by his own thoughts, he climbs up faster and reaches Momota, who was bewildered but bemused at the same time when he sees Saihara reaches him. 

By the time they reach Enoshima's floor, Saihara's rush of adrenaline and motivation was now replaced with exhaustedness and hitched breaths. Meanwhile, Momota looks like he had only walked. Momota sighs and carries Saihara's shoulders, letting Saihara lean against him. They knock on Enoshima's door, and Ikusaba answers them.

"We're here to get the assigned case to us by Enoshima", Saihara replies between panted breaths at Ikusaba's stoic face. Ikusaba widens the doorway and lets Saihara and Momota in.

The office was still cold and dark, but instead of Enoshima being the only one in the office, they were greeted with Shirogane and Ikusaba, of course.

"Ah, Tsumugi", Saihara awkwardly replies, looking at his old enemy. "How was Paris?"

"It was a fun place to go", Shirogane replies in that frustrating shrill voice. "But I don't understand French, so I decided to come back here."

Momota snorts, his impulsiveness taking over. "What? C'mon, learning French's easy! You should've told me that you were going to damn France! 'Cause I can teach you French!"

Enoshima laughs, and snaps her fingers, earning Saihara and Momota's attention. She was seated on her desk, cross-legged, with her short skirt only stopping near her knees. She was pretty much the prettiest but worst girl Saihara has ever seen.

"So where's the case?", Saihara asks in merely a whisper.

Enoshima groans and hands him an envelope with her signature dark purple. Saihara barely catches it, and when he does, he hugs it dearly like a long lost relative (or Toujou, you pick). Momota and Saihara waves a goodbye and trudges down the stairs, not talking, and letting the awkward silence consume them both. They finally reach Momota's office when they start to talk.

"So, what's the case about?", Momota asks as Saihara looks at the file. Saihara purses his lips, reading and rereading the files. There were some terms, abbreviations and acronyms that did not make sense to him.

"Kaito?"

"Yes?"

"What does H.D mean?"

Momota visibly flinches, much to Saihara's confusion. The man then walks over and takes the files away to look at the words there. He was clutching the the paper tightly, and Saihara swears that he'll crumple the paper in a minute. Instead, Momota sighs and puts the paper down the table, weaving through his hair.

"...Hanahaki Disease." He was still facing the wall.

Saihara looks down, down on the marble floors, only letting out a tiny "Oh."

Momota then turns around to face him, and Saihara looks up to meet his eyes. They hold their stare for a moment, then seconds, then minutes. There seemed to be a feeling of longing in Momota's eyes, Saihara can see that. But then it breaks when someone knocks on the door. Saihara opens the door, and sees Kiibo Idabashi with a stack of papers.

"Is this the wrong time to interrupt you?", he asks. Saihara wants to reply _yes, it was the wrong time_ but that was really rude and informal.

"No", Saihara says, cleaning imaginary dust from his suit. He looks at Momota who was blankly staring at the space Saihara was in. Then he starts to cough. On instinct, he closes the door, and he and Kiibo talk between Momota's coughs.

For Kiibo, Momota's coughs were just... him _coughing._ But for Saihara, it was Momota coughing up flower petals that were surfacing. That were growing in his lungs.

"Is Kaito sick?", Kiibo asks pointedly. Saihara forces a smile, and looks back at Momota's office door.

"He came down with _something._ " The way Saihara says it was normal, second nature.

Then Momota's door opens, showing a pale and sickly Momota, clutching his hands to his pockets. He looked like he's seen a ghost. Maybe he's seen his own ghost. Without even regarding them or maintaining eye contact with them, he runs towards the bathroom in full sprint. He accidentally drops a single flower petal, and Saihara quickly picks it up.

_You should be more careful, Kaito,_ Saihara thinks as he clutches the carnation tightly.

He didn't know how long he has, but Saihara needs him to survive.

 

They resume looking through the case files, and managed to set up a convenient time and place to meet the victim, Ryoma Hoshi. Saihara was pretty much exhausted the whole day, especially Momota's... _strangeness_. He was staring at the files, his palms sweaty and still on his pockets.

Saihara furrows a brow at him, but keeps on sorting the papers. Akamatsu had given him another workload (this time, Shinguji's disgusting work papers that look a lot like papyruses than work paper) and it was making him tired. He decides to do... a dumb thing.

"Kaito", Saihara says, smiling a bit. "Let's take a break for now. Go out for coffee."

Momota blinks at him, then stares at him for a conveniently long time, thinking of what was goung on in Saihara's head. The boy was a working machine, working from day to night without rest. It wasn't like him to take a break like that.

Then Momota smiles, and Saihara's heart seems to be fluttering. "Sure."

They stop by the cafè again, smiling at the beautiful sun in the sky, the blue skies and white cotton candy clouds. It was as if nothing has ever happened between them as friends. They choose the table they had sat on with the others, and ordered coffee. Well, only Saihara. Saihara raises a brow when Momota orders only a lattè.

"I thought you liked coffee?", Saihara asks, confused. Momota chuckles, then reaches over the table to ruffle Saihara's hair.

"To be honest, I _hate_ coffee", Momota says. Saihara blinks, clearly surprised. He had just given him a cup of coffee, after all.

"Why did you accept mine?" Saihara was pretty much on the edge of his seat. His philosophy had consisted of not tasting anything he finds disgusting or repulsive. Bonus points if it's flowers.

"'Cause I didn't want to embarass ya in front of so many people", Momota replies, thanking the barista who served them their assigned and favored beverages. "Had to suck up my damn feelings so yours won't flow the fuck out."

Saihara nods, gripping the coffee mug tightly and drinking it. He ignores the hot and bitter taste as it enters his mouth, singing his lips. Momota, on the other hand, chooses to devour his beverage again.

"Kaito, are you feeling all right?", Saihara asks. He takes one of Momota's hands, sensing the other tense.

Momota's relaxed eyes became wide with fear and tension, and he snatches his hand away to cough under his sleeve. Saihara, knowing this was the cause of the Hanahaki. He tries to play dumb, giving Momota a confused look.

After a few seconds, Momota surfaces from his jacket with a smile, but he seems to forget to wipe his mouth clean of his blood.

"Hey, Kaito, are you all-" Saihara tries again, but to no avail, because Momota stands up and takes his hand, making him stand.

"C'mon, Shuichi, let's go back to the company building!", Momota says, urging Saihara forwards. Saihara obliges, and they reach the company building. Fortunately, Akamatsu and Enoshima had left them alone for once in their lives, unfortunately, Amami was seated on the steps of the building, talking to someone.

"Kaito, what are you doing with Shuichi?", Amami asks indignantly. "Shouldn't you two be doing your case? _In the office?_ "

"Relax man", Momota says, assuring him by patting him on the soldier. "It was just a damn coffee break."

Amami glares at Saihara, but did not press on any further as Momota and Saihara went back indoors and into the building. They were smiling at each other, even though nothing good has happened in their life. But then a hiccup from Momota. He looks at Saihara, then shoves Saihara out of his office.

Saihara then looks back, confused as Momota locks his office. Before he could knock and ask Momota to let him in, however, a tap to the shoulder, makes him face Amami himself.

"Get out of here", Amami says sharply. "Go back to your office, whatever. Away from us. Here." But Saihara stands his ground.

"Rantaro, we and Kaito used to be the best of friends", Saihara says in a low and stubborn voice, which made him recall the times Momota's tone was like that. "Is a secret really going to keep us apart?"

Amami's green eyes twinkle, but after a few seconds, it was replaced with a hard expression. He glares at Saihara, and Saihara decides to leave. He almost wanted to tell Amami he had seen him kiss Momota so, so badly.

 

"Are you free this day?", Harukawa asks so suddenly as she appeared right in front of Saihara's desk. Saihara manages to muffle the scream in his throat, but it did not stop him from jumping from his seat. Harukawa's a fucking cryptid and she's good at it.

"Yes", Saihara replies warily. "Is Momota going to come with us?"

Harukawa sighs, shaking her head. "He and Amami left thirty minutes ago."

Saihara blinks. "Oh." It was not that strange. The two walk together towards their apartment. So of course they went home already.

"Wanna go to the gym?", Harukawa asks again, tapping her newly painted nails on Saihara's desk.

"It's not really a gym if there's no Kaito Momota in it", Saihara replies, standing up to organize case files. "Plus, I'm too tired from work to pay attention to my work out sessions."

He sits back down to pack up his laptop, and puts it in his sling bag. He looks at Harukawa with a smile, an awkward smile, and she looks at him with her signature 'stoic wildcard' look.

"Let's watch a movie with Kaede, I guess", she sighs, and Saihara nods. He didn't want to be left in his thoughts once again.

Akamatsu's apartment was something out of a fantasy movie. It wasn't even an apartment. It was a penthouse. Her twin sister had bought it for her after her dazzling performance in a kids' charity concert fund-raising. She was a star, a rising celebrity. Saihara did not know why such a goddess would walk on mundane pavement roads and work as a receptionist in a dumb company.

"Shuichi, you came with Maki!", Akamatsu says as she ushers him and her girlfriend inside. Saihara can now see they were not alone: Iruma, Shinguji, Kiibo and Ouma were there as well. 

Saihara then realize that most of them were couples. So of course, as the wildcard in this situation, he sat furthest from the lovebirds (well, kind of, he still got to sit next to Ouma and Kiibo). Then he remembers that Ouma and Kiibo were Amami's boyfriends.

"Hey, uh, Ouma, Kiibo, do you notice Rantaro acting weird this past two days?", Saihara speaks up.

Ouma shrugs. "He usually acts like this if he's sick or if he has a really big and dumb secret he's hiding from us."

_Momota has Hanahaki_ , Saihara wants to desperately say. But instead he smiles back at them.

"And he's not really spending time with us at all", Kiibo huffs. "And when he does, he would just start small talk and nothing happens."

"Well, I'm pretty sure he's on his period again", Ouma replies. "Why do you think girls are so moody?"

"Hey, brat, shut your mouth", Harukawa snaps, as she clicks Netflix.

"What are we watching?", Saihara asks.

"Marvel, whatever", Harukawa replies as she browses the screen with the remote. "I want to replay all Marvel films for Stan Lee."

And so they watch. Saihara would not focus on the movie though, focusing only on Momota and on how to keep him alive. And Amami is damned to be one of his permanent obstacles in life, even after _that time_ together.

_Shuichi was pretty much cold. It was pouring, and he knew he shouldn't have walked outside to get him and Rantaro refreshments. The roads and sidewalks were slippery, and he heard thunder. Swearing under his breath, he finally reaches Rantaro's apartment just in time, drenched in rain._

_He knocked on the door, and Rantaro opened it. He was wearing a gray sweater, something that he has always done whenever it was chilly or rainy. Shuichi gave him a smile and held up a cup._

_"Noodles", Shuichi replied. Rantaro ushered him in, and made him sit by the fire._

_The rain was such a noise that they couldn't drown it out with their own chewing, or the kettle's whistling steam. They sat by the flickering fire, illuminating their skin. They ate quietly, enjoying this time of peace before they confront each other again. Then Rantaro broke the silence with a sigh, turning his head to look at the fire._

_"I'm really sorry I did that", Rantaro said as he sipped his hot cocoa. "I shouldn't have kissed you without your permission."_

_Shuichi stayed silent, wanting to give out a proper response, the rain letting them think with their head hung low. Saihara hated dreary weathers like this._

_He forced a smile as he ate a part of his ramen. "It's all right. At least you were my first kiss."_

_Rantaro raised a brow. "Oh?"_

_Shuichi grinned flirtatiously. Since when did he learn how to flirt? "Oh indeed."_

_And then Rantaro was touching him with his bare hands, touching him carefully, like he was an object not to be messed with. They stared at each other's eyes, before Rantaro bridges the distance of their lips with his. Shuichi kissed back, warmth growing inside him._

_The table almost toppled over if Rantaro had not realized they were still near the fireplace. Rantaro chuckled awkwardly, and pulled Shuichi to his feet, then pushed him down the couch, were their thoughts get muffled by the kisses they give each other._

_He was not the first man Shuichi had ever slept with, but he was sure he was the first man Shuichi had ever known about personally._

_As he traces Rantaro's cheekbones, his collarbones, the stitches in his chest, he can't help but feel that Rantaro was his favorite man to have slept with. He has been in countless hookups, unsatisfied at his own, boring, pleasureless life. He felt ashamed, as his uncle told him sex is for love. But he was not here now._

_Shuichi climbed out of bed, taking his clothes and going to the bathroom. He felt filthy today. He knew he shouldn't have done this, not without Kaito's permission._

_He just can't help it._

Then Saihara's mind was back at the present, back at the present where everyone thinks it's okay to talk about someone with Hanahaki disease.

The past was a mess. Saihara had created so many mistakes, so many broken promises, kept so many secrets to himself. It was a past he regretted, but loved at the same time, no matter how dark and traumatic and stupid it was.

The present was no better. It was not all sunshine and rainbows, and Momota's dying, and will die, if Saihara doesn't do something right.

The future? He doesn't know what the future holds, but he knows that there is no happy ending in a world full of darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Toujou :(


	3. Another Day Spent in Agony

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, at Christmas Eve: I'm going to update my fics because it's a three week Christmas break and I have nothing to do!  
> Me, at summer vacation: hello
> 
> I am so sorry that it took me so long to update this!!!

Saihara wakes up on the couch, while everyone, except Harukawa and Akamatsu, who went to their own room to do what couples do, were on the floors, sleeping peacefully. Saihara has nothing close to a bountiful sleep, since it was riddled by nightmares of the past and a dying Momota. He shakes these thoughts away as he thinks to himself that coffee would solve all his problems.

Coffee doesn't solve most of his problems, really. It just makes Saihara a little more energetic, like everyday. He and the others were lucky they don't work on Thursdays; Enoshima closes up the company's building every Thurday, due to some 'private meetings'. Hinata says that Enoshima and her sister goes doing shady boss stuff, and that joke sometimes make the others laugh.

He always forget that Akamatsu was rich enough to provide a _fully functional coffee machine, damn it Enoshima_ , and he was still astounded to see the machine. It was stocked with coffee brew (he did not mind if it wasn't black, just any coffee) and turns it on. Saihara takes a glass mug, which was filled with geometrical patterns and was worth more than Saihara's apartment, which makes him feel nervous of breaking it. Nevertheless, he succeeds on pouring coffee to the accursed mug and brings it to his mouth.

Saihara then realizes two things: one, Momota hates coffee, and two, he should really make a fund-raising project for the replacement of that coffee machine who has been working in their servitude for eleven years. And thinks for sure, he did not know why he would find Momota's opinion relevant.

Saihara looks at the clock; it reads eight A.M, meaning that he has much time in the world to do what he wants. And he wants to check on Momota. Then he blinks. _Where does Momota live again?_ Saihara was quite sure that Momota does not enclose his private address to others; only Amami knows. He sighs inwardly, because if he needs to find Momota' s home, he needs to go to Amami's.

He goes back to the living room, and was quite surprised to see that everyone was awake and rest assured. Was he the epitome of wake? Then Iruma sees him, and he stiffens. He does not think ill of the blonde woman, she was just overwhelming to be with, especially the swears and insults she keeps firing at them. What was even worse was her inappropriate gestures and behavior.

"Give me the fucking cup you're holding", Iruma demands, and Saihara has half a mind to just splosh it onto her, but refrains from doing so.

(Okay, maybe he was a bit aggressive to her there, but he has reasons.)

Instead, he stands there, so lost in thought that Akamatsu has to even snap her fingers to get his attention, which prompts him to do so. Saihara looks at Akamatsu in bewilderment, but just from her look, she was worried of what he was thinking about now. He has a habit of doing that in the most inconvenient situations.

"I ordered breakfast for all of us", Akamatsu says. Saihara shakes his head. Akamatsu was a nice woman, but sometimes her niceness can become a weapon for others. He smiles.

"You shouldn't have", he says.

"But I did." Akamatsu guides him over the dining table, which was now full of Chinese food. Everyone was now chewing down on the noodles or pouring a cup of coffee from that godsent coffee machine.

Saihara sighs, knowing that Akamatsu will _not_ be satisfied with him until he eats anything other than coffee, so he takes a seat right next to Ouma, that insufferable little creature, and starts eating.

"Hey, Shuichi", Ouma gets Saihara's attention by pulling his hair. Out of annoyance, he looks at the smaller boy.

"Yes?" He keeps the irritation light in his voice, hoping that Ouma would not see some sign of it.

"Rantaro is acting pretty weird this past day", Ouma says in a hushed voice. "Always tailing around his bestie Kaito, being a little annoyed lately. Is he going through _that time of month again?_ "

Kiibo elbows him, making Ouma huff in response. "Do not talk about such inappropriate topics in front of the food, Kokichi!"

"Yeah, listen to your boyfriend", Harukawa replies. "Stop being an offending little dick."

Ouma _hmphs_ petulantly, but says nothing as he goes back to chowing down his food. Saihara only took little bites of the noodles. Either because he can't stop thinking about Momota or he just really doesn't like Chinese food (he pretty much thinks the noodles were quite tacky, but does anyone listen? No.).

 

Saihara pretty much doesn't know why he was risking going to Amami's in the first place. And he so happens to know his apartment, and decides to go, no matter how many memories were buried in the past, and how fast they're resurfacing again.

Amami was pretty much bewildered to find Saihara on his door. He had not changed addresses, much to Saihara's relief. He can catch a glimpse of the apartment, which was now littered with pictures.

"Why are you here, Shuichi?", Amami asks with an exhausted look on his face.

"I just want to know Kaito's address", Saihara replies directly; there was no point in answering Amami's questions with euphemisms.

"What?", Amami sharpens his tone, which means he was not buying it. "I think that-"

Before he can say anything that might insult Saihara in anyway, a little hand tugs on Amami's sleeve, causing the latter to turn around, and for Saihara to catch a glimpse of the person who decided to interrupt their conversation. It was a child, just at the age of three.

"Daddy, I'm really hungry", the boy says, insistently tugging on Amami's sleeves. He had the same hair color as Amami, and striking familiar gray eyes.

"Just wait a minute, Seiza", Amami replies, patting the boy's head. "Go to the dining table." The child follows, waddling over to the dining table, climbing one of the chairs to sit on.

"You adopted the boy?", Saihara asks. Amami glares at him, but this time there was something in his eyes.

" _No_ ", Amami replies. "I remember the nine months I spent carrying the little kid around and the hours of labor I spent getting him out of my body."

Amami was openly trans, and Saihara does not have a problem with that. He scratches his head, looking to the sides awkwardly. Then he asks the densest question that Amami has possibly heard:

"Who's the father?"

All in an instant, Amami slams the door in front of Saihara's face, leaving him baffled and confused. Saihara looks blankly at the pale green door, wondering if discussing Seiza's father was a sensitive topic, or he doesn't know either. But Saihara can't help that he's seen those eyes before.

He walks out of the apartment building, and decides on the best course of action: message Momota.

> **From Shuichi:** Where do you live?
> 
> **From Kaito:** dude its like 3 am let me get some sleep
> 
> **From Shuichi:** It's morning.
> 
> **From Kaito:** wait rlly? cuz my clock reads 3 idk
> 
> **From Shuichi:** Your clock must've ran out of batteries then, Kaito. My suggestion is you change it.
> 
> **From Kaito:** nah man a broken clock doesnt stop me from being KAITO MOMOTA LUMINSRY OF THE STARS
> 
> **From Shuichi:** Kaito you spelled luminary wrong.
> 
> **From Kaito:** oh whoops
> 
> **From Kaito:** anyway what u want 2 ask me
> 
> **From Shuichi:** Your address.
> 
> **From Kaito:** ...why?

Saihara pretty much expects Momota to hesitate for a bit. Saihara was quite curious and interested to why no one, except Amami, doesn't know his address. Either he does not trust anyone with his apartment (which he doubts), or he moves from place to place and doesn't really know how to settle in.

Then he receives a text from the man.

> **From Kaito:** its a pretty far away place but heres the address ********
> 
> **From Shuichi:** That was quite longer than usual, is this the first time you're giving your address to somebody else?
> 
> **From Kaito:** Because I trust you on not spilling my address to anyone else.

Saihara was dumbfounded. From all his previous texts with Momota, the man did not bother making the first letters capital, putting in punctuation marks or correcting typos. It was a normal messaging style for him. The only times Saihara has seen him write or speak like this was in every case file he's written, defending a client, or making a speech.

He didn't know why his hands were flying over the cellphone's keyboard, not typing any message, just floating over it. He almost drops his phone, and collects his senses by texting a reply to Momota.

> **From Shuichi:** Okay. I'll be there in an hour.

Saihara was there in an hour. He takes a quick look over the surroundings near Momota's apartment. The apartment blocks around his were small and quaint, his apartment just the same texture and size and colour as the others. They were all an ugly firetruck red, which was strange because Momota _hates_ the color red (even though red is one of the reasons why purple pretty much exists). There were bushes full of flowers and small shrubs surrounding the apartments, and a lone window even has a pot of flowers.

Saihara breathes in and out to step on the first step of Momota's apartment's porch. It creaks under him, and Saihara has a feeling that it would fall underneath him due to pressure. It looked so old, and had cobwebs between them. He finally reaches the doorstep of the apartment, which had a wooden door that looked a hundred years old. The wood itself looks to be tearing itself apart for many years, and the door knob and hinges that supposedly was a golden colour before was really rusty and no shine. Saihara knocks on the door softly, trying hard not to cringe.

He waits for a few seconds when the door knob turns, and the hinges squeak as loud as a chalk being scratched on a board. Saihara sees Momota standing in the doorway, with his signature jacket, but his hair was different from all the times he had seen it before.

"Kaito, why's your hair like that?", Saihara asks, pointing at Momota's hair. Instead of his spiky hair stretching all the way up, it was down and seems to look soft.

"Oh, uh, I ran out of gel today", Momota scratches his head. "So, I have to improvise."

Saihara absently nods, looking at his hair, mesmerized by it. He always thought to himself that Momota will never be suited for soft locks and hair smoothed downwards, and he wanted to uppercut his past self (if he knew how to do such a thing) for thinking that hairstyle does not suit him. Momota tilts his head, yawning a bit and Saihara's heart can't help but _beat faster._

"Wanna come inside?", Momota asks, nudging the old door with his elbows. Saihara decides this as an incentive to actually step in, and looks around.

It was quite a simple living room, much to his shock. Saihara knows that Momota has been living with his grandparents all his life, but he's pretty sure he has parents and two sisters, they just don't see eye to eye on certain things. For more information, his parents were rich as fuck (so were Saihara's, but they're not renowned astronomers and astronauts).

There was a large television set, which was promptly the only thing not modest in the living room. There was an old sofa that looks like it came from an antique shop, a small coffee table on the corner. It was pretty dusty, which evidently means Momota never got around cleaning his home.

"You eat yet?", Momota speaks up, and Saihara looks at him. He hadn't eaten outside of coffee and Chinese noodles (which he admits that he only took small nibbles of it) so he shakes his head. Momota casts him a smile, reaching his hands towards the cupboards. "You're lucky I fully stocked my shit with loads more of shit."

Saihara giggles, but wonders if Momota actually knows how to cook when he starts turning on the stove. He figures this might be the right time to strike up a conversation with the Hanahaki victim. He clears his throat just tp get some of Momota's attention, who was now setting the flames on the kitchen stove.

"I didn't know Rantaro has a kid", Saihara says. "To be fair, he looks a lot like his father, actually. Except for the eyes."

Momota shrugs a bit, focusing on making their breakfast. "Yeah. Didn't want to tell me who the father was. I get being scared of scrutiny but he still doesn't tell me for over three fucking years."

He finishes his cooking and gets plates and utensils for him and Saihara. Saihara looks at the meal and his eyes water at the sight. For some reason, Momota was an incredibly good cook. What even is that sitting on top of the dining table? Bread with liquid?

"French toast", Momota answers his thoughts. "And spinach with an addition of fruits, highlighting grapes."

Saihara blinks, marvelling at the sight before him. He's never had seen such exquisite food placed next to him. He looks at it like a museum art piece, forgetting it was food that needs to be shoved into his mouth. For all his life he has lived off of coffee and bits and pieces of food from his fridge. He never really learned how to cook properly.

"Wow", Saihara breathes, taling the remaining plate and a fork, wanting to taste Momota's food. He now further realizes that the man in question was looking at him intently, not even eating a single bite. Saihara grips his fork tenaciously and takes a small bite.

In an instant, thoughts about the marvelous small bite he had impacted his brain. He wanted to drop the fork and start eating the breakfast using his bare hands and mouth like a heathen, but resists the urge all he can.

"I never knew you can cook like this", Saihara takes another bite, enjoying and savoring the taste in his mouth. "How'd you do it, Kaito?"

"Oh, ya know", Momota smirks and Saihara realizes what he just said and braces himself for a tangent. But all Momota did was shrug and continue with, "You know more when you study overseas and shit."

It was not really a secret Momota had studied overseas; Saihara was more surprised that he had brought the knowledge he gained from his expeditions and studies back to his hometown. In the form of creating the most wonderous breakfast. Saihara was impressed by his skill and decidedly starts to eat the food thoroughly and with not stopping. Afterwards, Momota takes a pitcher of water from the fridge, and pours water into the empty glass. Saihara realizes he was thirsty and asks for water. Momota gives him the glass and he drinks it all in one gulp.

"I'm surprised you can drink water in a gulp", Momota states, clearly hiding his surprise.

"There is more to me than you don't know, Kaito", Saihara replies teasingly, making Kaito red in the face, something he doesn't see everyday.

Momota's blushing, embarrased, and reddening face was quite adorable to Saihara, he can't help but blush as well as put the glass full of water near his face, pretending to drink. They go back to a silent trance, looking at the other as their cheeks burn down slowly. So slow, that they don't even know if they can strike up another conversation. Saihara's mind churns, thinking of a way to (though not a tense silence) break the silence they've been entranced to.

"That's the first time I've seen you get flustered, Kaito", Saihara notes, and Momota's face is on fire.

"Y-you're a damn menace, Shuichi." Now Momota is _stammering and getting embarrassed_. What alternate universe is this? Saihara laughs, resuming to eat as the other gets flustered all over. It was a cute scenery, even with the melancholic dining table, and the gray clouds Saihara sees in the windows.

It was almost as if a life-risking situation isn't afoot. They sit there, laughing and having a full-on conversation without awkwardness and tense periods. Of course, things cannot last forever, as Momota-

starts to hiccup. then he starts to cough. it got louder and stronger, and he was still covering his mouth. the tense air is back again, and saihara is horrified at what he was seeing right now. he quietly observes how momota was clutching onto his stomach, like he was going to vomit out everything he had eaten, and desperately covering his mouth, like he didn't want _something_ to slip past his lips. but saihara knows what he's hiding, yet he chooses to play along for momota's own good.

"Kaito!", he exclaims in fake surprise, but true worry, as he sees his friend writhing and trying to choke out flower petals that were growing inside of Momota, and he looks up at him with mouth still covered. "Are you all right?!"

He did not answer. He, instead, tries to choke down all the flower petals in his throat, resisting the urge to throw it up all over the floors, even if the latter already knows. Saihara feels the guilt seep through him, wanting to hold Momota tight, but his body was betraying hid mind, and he just looks at his pained friend, staring at him.

Then the coughing stops, Momota successfully had not coughed up any flower petals, fortunately. Even if Saihara already knew his little secret of his, he thinks vomiting up flower petals to an unaware Saihara (or, aware, in this case) can be more damaging to Momota's pride than it was before. Saihara's seen how Momota is like when he shows signs of weakness in front of many people.

Momota was slow to recover. He sighs and groans, loudly but sounding pained, and Saihara can't help but feel guilty. The purple haired man looks at Saihara, but even when he smiles, there was sadness and longing in his eyes. Saihara gets up, motioning to Momota that he wanted to help him, but Momota refuses as he gets up himself.

"Are you alright?", Saihara tries again with a worried look. "Why did you start coughing like that?"

Momota sits up, and looks at Saihara with a grim expression. He looks down at his hands, but finds nothing on them. After a few seconds of staring, Momota's grim expression changes to one of a smile, a very bright one, to be precise.

"I'm fine!", he says in a hurried tone and starts to eat as if nothing happened, yet he seems to be aware of the thick atmosphere surrounding them both.

Saihara can't eat no more as he sees living proof that he was trying to discover since day one. And he does not like it one bit. Is this what Momota does everyday? Trying to choke petals out of his throat, wondering if his love would ever feel what he feels? Saihara feels sympathy, making him more determined of trying to make him fall out of love.

They eat the rest of their breakfast in silence.

* * *

**199 days before**

Saihara was finishing his entry when there was a knock on the door. He had come back to his own home seeking for comfort after Momota did a double take in his own dining room. Saihara clasps the back of his shirt, and takes it off due to the increasing heat. He was midway through the entire page when they knocked. He stands and walks to the door, opening it in the process.

"Hello, Shuichi!", Akamatsu's bright voice makes his day a little bright, like always.

"Hello, Kaede." Saihara unconciously backs away from the door to his laptop, where he saves his document and turns his laptop off. "What're you doing here?"

It was rare for one of his friends to visit him, especially in such an hour. Saihara glances at the clock, which reads 1:53.

"I'm just going to give you this personally." She rummages through her purse and founds something, as her eyes seemingly light up. She pulls out a pink envelope and hands it to Saihara, who didn't protest.

He already knows what it is: a piano recital. Shs has one once every two months, and she was sponsored by her twin sister, Kaguya. Which is a little weird since Saihara hooked up with her in highschool. He never got to tell Akamatsu.

Saihara smiles. "Of course I'll go to your piano recital. I always go, don't I?"

"But you're always late." Akamatsu pouts, and Saihara can't help but feel guilty for trying to avoid most of the people in her recitals by being late, and therefore decreases the chance of talking to his friend.

"Then I promise I won't be late." Akamatsu snorts.

"You better, Shuichi." Just like that, she leaves the apartment, leaving Saihara alone with his thoughts once again.

Then he finds himself searching through his closet, trying to find a nice clothing in for her piano recital two weeks later. Everything is bleak, as if one touch from Momota's Hanahaki is enough to make everything grayscale.

He was invited by Harukawa to a cafè downtown, in which they chat in a routine manner. Today's subject was Toujou's return.

"It's good to see Kirumi return", Harukawa says. "I haven't seen her in ages."

Saihara smiles weakly, getting rid of the many images running inside of his head. And it was _always_ about Tojo choking those petals up, and him always cleaning them. Now it seems like he's going to do it again, this time with Momota. Harukawa looks at him with those cold red eyes- they see all,they know all.

It was strange to why Akamatsu would date someone of her polar opposite. Harukawa was one of the most intimidating women he had ever known throughout his entire life. She was a fiery flame, one that destroys forests, buildings, make people suffocate on how _wild_ the flames are. But she carries loneliness in her too- the secret lies in her eyes, the way she talks, everything about her is a big mystery in a wrapped gift.

Harukawa raises a brow. "What are you looking at?"

Saihara shakes his head. "Nothing, just thinking about work and the case me and Kaito are supposed to do."

"What was it about, anyway?", Harukawa asks. "The case, I mean."

"Something about a guy being abused by his partner", Saihara shrugs, sipping on his coffee. "His name's Ryoma Hoshi, and he recently had surgery."

"What kind of surgery?"

Saihara's hand trembles, remembering his reaction as he read through Hoshi's files. "Hanahaki Surgery."

Harukawa's eyes seem to look down, downcast. "Oh."

For once in his life, he relates to Maki Harukawa for uttering out once sentence to describe his life right now.

Later that night, he receives a text from Momota. His heart jumps as he sees the text, and immediately reads it. He didn't care how much it hurts, to read a bright message in the dark-especially in the middle of the night- but even if his eyes are hurting, he wants to see if Momota is okay.

> **From Kaito:** hey dude sorry for making you feel uncomfortable
> 
> **To Kaito: You didn't make me uncomfortable. Not a single bit.**

After minutes of waiting, Saihara didn't feel his phone vibrate, meaning that either Momota's asleep, or that he's coughing up those goddamn flowers. Saihara hugs the phone close to his chest, as he waits for the day to hit him like a train track. 

**Author's Note:**

> i really wanna cry right now i wrote this instead of listening to my teacher


End file.
